Moving On After A Friendship Breakup

It's completely normal to outgrow your friends. Share on Facebook Personal growth might mean leaving behind old friends.

It can be painful when female friendships end — but at the same time, if the relationship has become stressful or frustrating, it can also feel like a relief. We know that when one door closes another opens, and it's important to stay focused on quality gal pals who are positive-minded while bringing out your best.

When you're truly interested in quality friends, you probably won't have 30 of them, so it's natural that as we mature, friends fade into the past. A study by NBC News shows most people have only two true friends. That might seem like a small number until we consider who we really trust with our innermost feelings. If you have more than two quality girlfriends, that's great. If you have fewer than two meaningful friendships, don't worry: there are ways to cultivate more.

More from YourTango: Why 'Single Time' Between Relationships Is Important

Social media like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Pinterest can be great places to develop surface-level, online friends. In fact, it has been my source for meeting some of my very best girlfriends, who I treasure with all my heart. Just as you can use an online dating site to meet a great guy for a couple of dates or meet the one that develops into a real relationship or even marriage, you can meet like-minded, quality female friends online as well.

Sometimes, you can upgrade your current friendships. Over time and with effort, a casual friend or concert, movie or hiking buddy can turn into someone with whom you share your innermost thoughts. Think about your friends and consider working toward a deeper bond with one or more of them. Trust your gut feeling: being confident in yourself and your values will help you attract the right kind of friend. (If you'd like to learn more about tapping into that inner sense of self, you can read this article). 

Over the course of my own friendships, I've realized that when they end it doesn't mean one person is better than the other, but rather, we were simply moving in different life directions. That's not to say friends must have the same goals in life, but sometimes people are so different that communication and simultaneous personal growth are a challenge. That's when it's time to let go. Since it can be quite painful to lose a friend, this is very important to recognize.

More from YourTango: Why You Shouldn't Ditch Your Friends For A Guy

As we grow and mature, we need different support systems in our lives. One particular friend may be a perfect fit for three years, after which you may want to move on to someone who can take you further in your new direction. Another friend could be a great fit for 30 years or longer! If you're both growing in the same direction, enjoy the stability and camaraderie that comes with solid, long-term female friendships. Keep reading...

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Can We Reconnect After 20 Years?

Simone asks, "A few years ago a friend of mine said I should join Facebook, so I did, and I reconnected with a bunch of people I hadn't seen in 20 years... including 'The One'. He almost immediately accepted. We lived in different states and when I did message him, he ignored me. I was really kind of hurt. When I moved back home, he stared 'liking' a few of my notes and photos, and I received a welcome back message from him as well. Then he started working a few short blocks from home, and a few months later we finally met face-to-face. WOW!! I didn't feel the physical connection but emotional? He had me hooked again. We agreed on everything, like the same things, and he started with asking about relationships however I just went around the subject. We have since texted a bit and joked around. I don't know what to think... what to do. He told me he loved me almost 20 years ago and I walked away. I wasn't ready then. I am now. If it is there for him again, he will tell me, right? I don't want to hurt him again. I think he knows that... and I don't know if either one of us is ready or wants to have the talk... the one that bares our souls. I know I want to have it but I don't want to push him..."

Hey Simone. First, deep breath. Really. Just take a few to yourself, and enjoy the deliciousness that is this moment. I'm really happy for you that you've reconnected with someone you felt a lot for in the past, and that you've had the chance to meet again.Because now, it's time to take a breather and focus on YOU. Do something you love for you, and only you, and really lose yourself in it. Choose something that will make what's-his-name float out of your mind, even for half an hour, although I'd love it if you could do it for longer, and consistently over a period of several days. Your guy will be on Facebook when you're done, so just take this time for you. Although for a breakup, this list of suggestions works well at any time that you need to refocus elsewhere, if you need suggestions or ideas: Ways To Feel Good After a Breakup.

Once you've taken that time and only then, I want you to sit and ask yourself a few questions. Write them out, meditate on them, or just sit and think. It's up to you.

• Am I looking for this man's love, approval, acceptance, or seeking anything at all from him?
• I'm going to hazard that first answer is a YES, and so, please think about what would happen if you sought nothing from him at all. If that need or desire just... disappeared. What would meeting again have felt like? What would you have noticed instead?
• How do YOU feel about this man? For instance, you shared there was a lack of physical attraction, which for most people is important in a romantic relationship. Would the lack of physical attraction matter with someone you'd just met? Really sit and think about how YOU feel. Ignore anything that comes up around wondering how he feels, or what he wants. This is about YOU, and you're the only one that matters right now.
• Did he show any interest in you, or any interest getting to know you better? Be honest with yourself.

If, after all that, you're really wanting something more with this man, you need to have a fun yet honest conversation with him. Tell him exactly as you shared with me how you're feeling and what YOU want. "Hey, I know that, in the past, I really hurt you. At the time, I had to focus on myself and realized our romance was bad timing. Now, I'm wondering if it's better timing, as I'm feeling very drawn to you again romantically. I can't promise you anything, other than I know now how to make myself happy, and I'd like to see if I can continue feeling that way with you in the picture, too."

He may well say nothing, or ask for some time, or even be in a relationship himself. The thing is ... it's irrelevant. This is about YOU. Whatever he says is irrelevant, because you're still feeling great about YOU. Be selfish, and make sure whatever happens, that you find the best-possible-feeling-place for yourself that you can. For instance, if he says he's taken or would rather focus elsewhere -- he's doing you a HUGE favor! Wouldn't you rather know now, than invest even more time and energy into something that has zero future? Or, if he is interested in seeing where things go, isn't it better to have it out on the table right from the start, so you can stop questioning yourself and enjoy the time you do share together? Either way, you'll be good, just as long as you stay focused on you and your own happy, glowing self.

Let us all know how it goes? And, dear readers, do you have some advice for Simone, or a similar situation with details that you'd like to share?

_{Related: Do You Have One That Got Away?, Facebooking the Ex, 'Getting Back Together' Book Review, Can We Fall in Love Again?}

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