Dating as a Single Mom

Dating as a Single Mom

   As more and more single mothers start re-entering the dating arena, there are some tricky situations to maneuver through. These can be mothers that are either divorced or those that are single because they chose to be. For these women, dating can involve some pretty large hoops to jump through unless you’ve got live in help or a relative that just loves to babysit your kids for you. Actually, babysitting is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to coordinating all of the things that need to be taken care of before you can enjoy a night out on the town with a date.

Dating as a Single Mom can be a difficult but not always

However, in spite of all the preparation for a date, single women continue to have a very successful social life that also includes dating. The first thing to remember is that any man who may be around your children at any point in time is someone that you need to be very sure about. You need to be certain that he’s safe and that he doesn’t have any sort of criminal history. It’s also a good idea to find out how he feels about kids before you start dating him. All of these things are very important and should be thoroughly checked into before ever going out on that first date. The last thing you want is to bring someone into your life and that of your children who has a less than stellar background.

A problem that many single moms face when dating is dealing with a child that doesn’t want to share their mom with someone new. Now, obviously, you don’t want to upset your child that may already be dealing with the fallout from a divorce or death of a father. However, you do need to set some clear boundaries. It’s important for your child to understand that you’re more than just a mom and that you deserve to have some privacy of your own to get out and have some adult fun. You need to explain that you’ll always be there for them, but that there’s also a part of your life that belongs only to you. If all else fails and these problems escalate, you probably want to consider having your child speak with a counselor.

Last, but not least, if it begins to look as if a certain relationship may be heading down a path to something more permanent, start incorporating your child into your dating life. Once you feel that someone may become a serious part of your life, he needs to spend some time with your child so that they can become better acquainted. This needs to be done well ahead of time before making any such serious decisions as moving in together or getting married. If your child and your man get along well, the transition will be so much easier because they will have had time to get to know one another and won’t be strangers.
As you can see, it’s much simpler to adjust to dating life as a single mom than you may have ever thought it would be.

How Do I Know If She's Interested, or Just Good At Her Job/Friendly?

blackhawk996 asks, "There's this really friendly girl who works at my local video rental place. We talk away at the tills about interests etc., and there's a lot of smiling etc. going on, but I don't know if she's doing that because it's her job or she feels it too. See it's hard to tell because it's a small town and there's rarely other customers in the store so I don't know if our talks are like a million others she has in the day too - nor do I know if she has a boyfriend. It started out as general chit chat, but recently an attraction started to develop and now its butterflies in my stomach feeling, and I'm renting crappy DVDs every few days as an excuse to go to the store. I want to ask her out but is it too soon? I'll never have a guarantee, I know that. But I want to make sure I have as good a chance as possible - any thoughts?"

Blackhawk, I feel unusually equipped to answer this question, as I too used to manage video rental stores way back when, and this kind of question came up a lot - both from staff and customers. Are they being nice because they have to, and if they're genuinely interested, how do you go from work-related contact to something more social?

To answer your first question: yes, she's most likely nice to you because that's her job, and because she loves movies. I used to spend hours out of my day helping folks find the "perfect" movie for them, and would get into long, detailed conversations about film, entertainment and whatever topic the movie was about with customers. More often than not, my single customers would ask me at some point if I was single in a roundabout way, and it would continue from there.

What kind of roundabout way? Some comments I heard more often than others:

• Your boyfriend/girlfriend must love/hate your appreciation/dislike for movie/game type XXX. (In my case, this was always, "Your boyfriend must love that you're into UFC and/or video games!" Another gal I worked with would usually hear, "Wow, you hate action movies? You must not watch a lot of movies with your boyfriend.")
• Do you ever get time to watch movies on your own? (You'd be surprised how many people answer this question, sharing either that they only watch movies with their partner, OR, that they don't like watching movies solo. If they say the second, it's time for you to casually suggest that the two of you watch a movie together sometime.)

Of course, use your own flair and style when asking, but make sure to focus on them, and listen closely to their response. If you still get the feel-good vibe from her after discussing a bit about her, then it shouldn't be too big of a deal to ask her if she'd like to hang out sometime, go for coffee, or discuss whatever it is you connect over after work. She may have a boyfriend, she may say no, but there's no way to really know unless you ask.

What say you, dear readers? Have you been in this situation? What did you do? Or, what would you recommend to blackhawk996?

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